Designer: manikka
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I'm lost again.

Told my dad about the course I wish to take if I enter SIM. 'Cause I'm gonna apply soon, in case my appeal fails.

And un-expectedly, he actually sort of disagree with me to study there or rather the course. As the course requires high school fees, but I am really interested in that course. Of course if I can enter ntu or nus that will be better, but if not, since I'm going to study there of course I will choose the course I'm more interested in.

But sadly, he said that it will going to cost a bomb but getting a not very well-known uni cert. Well, is awarded by university at buffalo, state university in new york. Okay, not very well-known but since it is being taught in Singapore it should be recongized at least here right?

That's no the main point. He even said after spending so much money to get a cert, eventually I will come out at most work a few years and get married then. I infer from this statement as "Then why bother to study so costly??"

My heart breaks. He goes on saying I should study hard the moment I study in Singapore. And I should think of what I want to do ever since in Secondary school.

I did! Or else I wont be here! He just thinks that I dont think of the future. Maybe he still thinks that business is everything. I can only like business. NO!! I do like arts too.. in fact, communication studies is the one that I wish to pursue if I score in A levels. But he dont know all these. And started blaming me for everything.

I guess he's unhappy with me because he wanted me to study real estate, but I refused and told me I'm not interested. Is my own life and future and I dont hope to regret in the future in leading a life that belongs to my parents and not me.

Then he wants me to find any colleges in msia to study. Business... He let my sis chose what she wants.. just because her grades are good. But have he think of what I want? Being the youngest are not always good. All the hopes from the parents are not pinned on you and you will not get the most of what you want. Maybe he wants me to just find a job now.. no point in studying anymore.

So, I guess I'm just gonna start finding ways to come out with the school fees, maybe bank loans or something, and hoping to find some way to earn my own daily expenses. But the best way of all will be accepted by ntu or nus.

Why do I got all this? He's always one who likes to learn and encourage ppl to study. But why? To his own daughter, he's not willing to suppport her decision? Am I just so insignificant to him?